October Wallpaper of the Month

IT’S MY SEASON!

Ahh, October. A very weird thing happens to me during this time. I will be living about my life like a normal, mask-wearing, chemically-balanced person, and suddenly, an invisible, unannounced wave comes over me. I’m struck, itchy almost. I am clamoring for change, and am ready for the new. It’s my rebirth. My astrology-obsessed twin says this is very Scorpio behavior, which means almost nothing to me every time she says it. Except, this is an ugly, shameful rebirth. I… am mutated into a… white bitch.

A full-fledged white chick. A Hunter-booted, plaid-scarfed, hair-curled, Jesus-loving white chick. Pinterest was built on the backs of these sweater-vested bitches. And I become one, EVERY. YEAR.

I hate it. But I love it. I need an adult.

By mid-September I am a caged, foam-mouthed starving beast, waiting for October 1 to roll around, and when it does, I bust out of the caged torture of summer to sink my teeth into fall. Is this too graphic? I’ll keep going.

I require everything to be pumpkin, look like a pumpkin, or give me the psychological swaddling that pumpkins do. Everything about pumpkins feels generous in spirit. Their plump squatty-ness is undeniably huggable, and cooking/baking with pumpkin feels like the best moments of childhood. Therefore, I am projecting my pumpkin passions on this October’s Wallpaper. Get with it or get out.

I am politicizing pumpkin. Send help.